Someone had to say it!

This may not be as insightful of a post as I might have wanted, but I couldn’t help but write this down.

I was in conversation with a dear friend, a male friend and what he said almost cleared the cobwebs in my mind about, what is it that men really want?!

We were having a conversation about our common friend and he didn’t hesitate before saying, “Chika you know why someone will pick xyz over you?” although I was tipsy and could think of a million reasons why someone would pick this “xyz” over me, considering how we’re completely different.

I remained quiet and looked on inquisitively.

He then said what, I have been trying to obviously ignore for a while now, “you will question a guy’s demands, you will question Chika if I ask you to pick up a napkin I just dropped, whereas XYZ would just pick it up, no questions”.

This was undoubtedly the most simple minded, yet informational advice I have ever received about men.

As I write this, a million questions shroud my mind, yet this description seems to wholly answer most of doubts about men I have hopelessly tried to “figure out”.

More to come as my doubts clear themselves.


Family, dreams and distant moons

With everything that has been going on in my life lately, the most pressing has been my relationship with some key members in my family.

Difference of thoughts, actions and most importantly choices can causes rifts in any relationship, I guess it just sits deeper when you have these differences with someone in your family.

I compare the difference in choices to the ability to see a different moon in the sky, where a difference in ideals would mean seeing a different sun in the sky,

I believe that love is not words, but thoughts and actions, so no matter how much I claim to love someone, it needs to show in my actions towards them.

I just do not understand how ‘love’ can be cruel and hurtful in it’s actions? does the fact that you differ in thoughts from your near ones mean that you don’t love them? does it mean you don’t respect them?

When we’ve been brought up to respect and imbibe democratic thoughts, why does difference in opinion with loved ones mean hate?

These recent times have not been the easiest, I have realized that even your most loved people may have a definition of love and relationship that is very different from yours.  Agreeing to someone else’s idea of respect and ‘right’ may be the only definition of love for some, where some may think it means respect for each other’s differences despite all odds.

In its entirety, the depth of a family relationship may not be so deep at all, or perhaps because of its depth it hurts more when disturbed.

There are so many unanswered questions in my mind about family and how ‘love’ works with people you’re born loving and keep on loving?

Can we have a break up with someone in the family? is there a rebound phase? are you allowed to get back? are you allowed to question? most of all can you ever really change for family ?

Baby let it go

We’ve all had some unpleasant experiences in our lives, some worse than others. Here I’m talking about the latter, the more painful experiences (mostly involving loved ones).

When you look back at a bad experience, how easy is it to deal with all the emotions that surface?

We’re always told, ‘let it go’, ‘forget it’, ‘don’t think about it’  but does that really work?

Can we really ever forget something, that at some point may have caused devastating pain and anguish?

I’ve always found it very difficult to not think about a painful experience from the past, not that I actively dwell on it..but when thoughts of a sad memory surface, I find it difficult to just ‘let it go’.

I have come to terms with (rationalized) a lot of pain that may have been caused in the past but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten it altogether or that those memories don’t still put me down.

Can we ever really forget someone? can we ever really forgive someone? Can we ever really let go of  hurt and anger?